Written late October:
ANIMALS!
Along the goats, there’s a crazy cat (as in, sounds like a motor when she purrs and will randomly jump across the dinner table while we’re eating), a dog and her two OHMYGODSOCUTE puppies (one of which I got to name!), and in the surrounding area, an array of beautiful birds, wild boars, snakes, and—wait for it—monkeys.
MONKEYS.
Monkeys, as in, they live next door to me and apparently come down from the forest to steal laundry left out and food scraps. Apparently everyone fears and hates them—I have been told that, “if you throw rocks into the forest, they will come,” and that their call is, “like a strange bird in the night.” It is needless to say that I am currently planning a grandiose monkey-expedition.
Being here feels like it’s such a good thing for me. Not only do I feel like I’m proving myself (to myself!), I’m learning a lot about so many things. One interesting thing that I’ve come to think about often is the balance between self-esteem and humility. I think it’s fair to say that in the world, one will always be out-ranked by someone somehow smarter, brighter, or stronger than ones self. I was in my room a few days ago, listening to the Kanye West song “Stronger,” and thinking about how good and confident I felt about how things were going, and how I was working. I worked hard! I reached my goal! And then I went out and talked with Bibi, the Malaysian girl (27 years old) who’s working through a Japanese government-funded program called OISCA. She’s been away from her family for two years with almost no contact; she works unbelievable hours with almost no pay; if she’s not working here with Ueda-sensei learning the bread and candy trade (getting up at 4:30am and finishing the final chores at 8pm) she’d be getting up at 5 to work at the OISCA center, where she would be cleaning, cooking, and working at farms for 10 hours a day. And when she goes back to Malaysia, she’ll be working probably twice as much, volunteering and teaching along with working on her family’s farm. What am I to her? An American girl who doesn’t eat all the food on her plate and who has already filled her room with Japanese toys and empty cartons of milk tea. Sure, anyone could say that it’s not comparable, since she’s been doing farming her whole life. But that’s the easy way out and I look in awe at the hardships people around the world must face. Milking and cleaning up after 10 goats every day for two months is pretty much laughable.
BUT! I don’t want it to sound like I’m down on myself, or anything of the sort! I’ve never felt so genki, and I’m living the dream.
Also, this trip is so important for another very, very big reason. I really want to be a Japanese teacher/scholar/authority of some sort; I really think I want to study the language and the culture for the rest of my life. Ironically, even after my wonderful exchange when I was 16, I definitely felt a sort of odd mistrust-slash-uneasiness about Japanese people. A dislike could have even been harbored. Why? I did what I now always renounce; I did, without thinking, what I chastise my friends and family for unsympathetically. I took the very few, very skewed, and oftentimes misunderstood “bad” experiences, and applied it to the whole—this time, to an entire race and society.
In many ways, I think my pre-Japan studies were to blame for this. I’ve read more books on “theories of Japaneseness” (nihonjinron) than the average 18-year-old, that’s for sure. So many of these books are either all love or all hate, and the ones I have become most accustomed to (namely Alex Kerr’s articles and books) weigh far more on the negative aspects of Japanese culture than the good. I went to Japan weary, and every experience my biased mind could skew toward being negative, it did, and with a vengeance.
The truth? I did have some uncomfortable moments with Japanese people. For one, I did not connect, ever, with any of my schoolmates. I absolutely feel as though I tried my best; even outside of school, I just did not jibe with anyone from my school. However, I did connect fantastically with other Japanese exchange students, especially those who had been to foreign countries already; I also developed fabulous relationships with all of my host families, especially my two grandmothers and grandfathers. To be honest, if you looked at my exchange basing its “success” solely on my social status and popularity at school, it would have been a total bust. Luckily, no one could possibly judge an exchange on that, and so we are left with a simple fact. I didn’t have a great time at my Japanese school, simply looking at my long-term relationships with schoolmates.
Let’s, however, look at the whole. Was I fully, completely, and unabashedly accepted by all of the three families I lived with? Yes. Did I have an incredible experience getting to know many older Japanese people, even those unaffiliated with Rotary? Yes. Was I respected? Yes. My entire exchange, people did nothing my compliment my Japanese ability and encourage the growth of interest in their country. Innumerous hours upon hours were spent on me, solely to please my curiosity or whimsy—whether it was my counselor taking me skiing, my first grandmother taking me to Hokkaido, my second host-mom taking me to Kabuki in Tokyo, or my third host-dad just driving me to the nearest convenience store.
Okay, during my exchange when I would be walking home from school, did the primary school kids all run to the fence surrounding the school playground and yell, “HEY, FOREIGNER!”? Yes. Did they do it in a mean, taunting, or rude voice? No! They said “good afternoon!” and “good morning!” right along with the foreigner part. A huge portion of any book about Japan is devoted to the whole “gaijin” subject. And this is where I currently stand:
I don’t know if it’s a big of a deal as I have always felt it to be. “Gaijin,” transliterated from the two kanji characters it is written in, means “outside person,” shorted from the more polite term, “gaikokujin,” meaning “outside country person.” Is the word used as “outside” particularly rude or short? No; it’s the same word used for the term “outside” or in the sentence, “I’m going out of the house.” But does Japan really deserve all of the negative feedback for this word? I don’t think so. If you look at it literally, the word does feel cloistering; it immediately sets up a barrier between you, the gaijin, and the Japanese population. However, do we not use the word “alien” without thought in English--the same word for a foreign immigrant as an unknown being from outer space? If you look at it like that, I’d rather be an “outside country person” in Japanese than a martian in English.
Japan is ethnically homogenous by most standards. However, from what I can see, this homogeneity is not paraded about, or touted as a major accomplishment. Doesn’t it make sense that there’s a word simply meaning anyone not Japanese? Americans embrace America because it’s the melting pot of the world; not all countries have the history that we do. Should we jump on the Japanese just because in their word for foreigner, the kanji doesn’t stand for “magical world person” or something of the sort? While I am absolutely no voice of authority, I would like to say that the word gaijin has never, ever been directed at me negatively by a Japanese person (and I’ve met some pretty outspoken, crazy Japanese people); if anything, it’s the foreigners themselves in Japan who use it more readily and far more negatively than anyone else.
So, in short, I’d like to issue a public apology. Japanese people, I’m sorry for being a hypocrite—I’m sorry for taking the few misunderstood, negative experiences and applying them to all of you. In the short time I’ve been in Shikoku I have been met with only interest, positive curiosity, and kindness, and I promise to do my best in trying to understand objectively the things I hear and experience in Japan from now on. You guys have got to be one of the most anal, festive, and fascinating peoples on the planet. Thanks for everything.
Oh, Lucy! Such class you have!
I need to talk to you about some stuff, so if possible drop me an email!
<3 Nancy O.
Posted by: Nancy | November 29, 2007 at 08:37 PM